Day something: restless

I swear I feel like I'm on a roller coaster constantly. Every day is the best day and worst day of my life it seems. I know some girls thrive on drama, but unless it's in a movie, I do not like it. And here I am dealing with it anyway. I don't much to say, but I saw this tonight and really liked it:
"After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,
and Company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a man, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile, you learn that even sunshine burns if you ask for too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn, with every good-bye... you learn"

Have a super, fantastic, great day!

Day Twelve: Motivation

I think one of the biggest struggles in taking care of ourselves is motivation. We change for our health, for other people's approval, but how often do we change for ourselves? This is the best motivation: our own self-esteem, self-worth and happiness. Yet, so often it is the last thing on the list of reasons for change. Somehow feeling better about ourselves is not a good enough motivation? This should not be. I have had several people who know my whole life story telling me I am so strong, that they don't understand how I am handling myself so well. I will repeat that I don't feel strong most of the time, but no one else can make this decision for me. No one can make me take care of myself. No one can make me make changes to make myself happy. I have to do these things for myself. While I am struggling so much of the time, I am starting to feel more like myself again. This is a great feeling. I don't feel like I am forcing myself into a pre-made box to fit expectations that I don't meet. Sometimes it takes being broken to become fixed.
I went to the gym today and it felt amazing. I had a rough end to the work day, but I made myself go anyway. I was meeting a friend and didn't want to let her down, but I also knew coming home and wallowing would not help. So if you want some motivation, just know that you are the only one who can take care of you best. Even when you don't feel like it, "be the change you want to see in your world" until you are able to see the change and feel like being motivated. Happiness is a choice, but no one can make it for you. You are loved and deserve the best of life. So get the best and don't settle.
Have a super, fantastic, great day!
Mandiy

Day Nine: Confession

I don't want to get completely out of the habit of writing here and I also feel like a fraud. People keep telling me I'm handling my "issues" for a lack of better word so well and that I seem so strong. I don't feel this way 90% of the time. I don't go in our bedroom except to put clothes away or get more out. I moved everything from our shower to the guest bath and I sleep on the couch. I took down all the pictures in the living room and broke about half of them. I want to throw up every time I get a new message on facebook or email that I wasn't expecting. I barely eat and I can't sleep. I've gotten two tattoos and two piercings in 3 days and dyed my hair last night. I think that most of this is normal, but it doesn't sound strong to me. I know I'll be fine, and I know I have soooo many people who love me and are there for me, so please don't get me wrong. I just feel dishonest because I put on a strong front to trick even myself most of the day. Just needed to get that out.

I am going to try to have a super, fantastic, great day and I hope you do as well!
Mandiy

Day Six: Apology

I wanted to put up a warning that I am dealing with a lot right now in my life. I don't want to go into it especially in a public forum of all places, but I will not let it be an excuse. I will still be striving to meet my goals, but right now I am unable to keep any food down and thus have no strength to work out. I am hoping to be back on track soon and I will be trying to meet my goal of still blogging as well. But just in case, I wanted to say that I'm sorry in advance.

Have a super fantastic great day!
Mandiy

Day Four: Recipe for Enchiladas

So I am officially beat! I started my day at 5 (about 2 hours earlier than usual) with some breakfast and homework, fixed a lunch and planned some mid-meal foods. Then a short workout with the Wii. Shower and work at 9, got home at 5:30 planning to take a nice long walk with the pup, but had messed up brakes. Turned back around and got brake fluid (thanks to my awesome Mama telling that was what was wrong!) and fixed it (I think) and came back home. Started dinner (today's recipe) and did dishes and started some laundry while it cooked. So here I am a little before 7:30 eating a healthy dinner and writing to whoever is bored enough to read my words! So I am going to just provide this recipe and then get some more homework done, maybe a little TV and then bedtime :)

From "Hungry Girl: 200 under 200" Cookbook
lean bean 'n cheese enchiladas
Nutritional info: Per serving (1 enchilada): 187 calories, 2g fat, 976mg sodium, 29g carbs, 4g fiber, 5g sugars, 12g protein

Ingredients:
2 medium-large corn tortillas (I used small ones)
2/3 cup enchilada sauce
1/3 cup fat-free refried beans
1 slice fat-free cheddar cheese, halved
1/4 cup shredded fat-free cheddar cheese (I just used a second piece of sliced cheese, halved)
1/4 cup chopped onion
1 tbsp taco sauce
1/2 tsp dry taco seasoning mix
Optional toppings: fat-free sour cream, chopped scallions (I put mine on top of lettuce)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees
In a pan sprayed with nonstick spray, cook onion over medium heat on the stove until it begins to brown, about 2 minutes. (I hate cooked onions, but love them raw so I skipped this step)
In a small dish, combine onion with refried beans, taco sauce, and taco seasoning until mixed well.
Spray a small baking dish with nonstick spray and set aside.
Heat tortillas in the microwave until slightly warm. Lay tortillas flat and spread about 2 tbsp enchilada sauce onto each one.
Place one half of the cheese slice in the center of each tortilla. Evenly distribute bean mixture in the center of each tortilla.
Wrap tortillas up tightly and place in baking dish, seam sides down. Pour the rest of the enchilada sauce over the enchiladas. Bake in the oven for about 10 minutes (until enchiladas are hot).
Remove dish from oven and sprinkle shredded cheese over enchiladas. Return to the oven and bake for about 5 minutes until cheese has melted.
Enjoy!

I should also mention in this first recipe post, that I am a very picky eater so I don't cover too broad a range of foods, only what I know I'll eat. These were excellent. As I have eaten them while writing this.
Have a super, fantastic, great night!
Mandiy

Day Three: Measurements

This morning's walk was another success. This time I threw in an extra street and an extra 7 minutes or so. Had a little extra stress to relieve. I got back on "My Fitness Pal" to log in my weight (down 3 pounds since the beginning of last week!) and saw that I had put in measurements that I wanted to keep track of. I knew where my measuring tape was so I figured what the heck, why not do my measurements too? Now granted the last input data was dated 7/23/10, but I was still shocked. I was horrible with my eating habits both right before my husband left and have not been great since he left because I have been stress eating. I have lost between .5 and 2 inches off of everything that I was tracking! I have not been doing that much exercise in the past couple days except walking, a set of crunches, push ups (girl kind), and a few arm exercises and still I have progress I can see. I have been eating a lot less, but I still don't feel hungry because I am only putting healthy foods in my body. It looks like this may actually be working so I am re-motivated again today. And, on a side note, the dog has a fit when I put on my tennis shoes now. She runs around the house and barks at me until I put her leash on and head out the door. This has to be a good sign!
Well, it's off to homework yet again.
Have a super, fantastic, great day!
Mandiy

Day Two: My First "Review"

Well, I made it back for the second day of this adventure this time around. I was a little bad last night and had some cereal (chocolate cheerios!), but I was good the whole rest of the day, which included me actually cooking for the first time in a long time!
I had a rough start today after a rough night of not sleeping much. This deployment is now hitting me pretty hard, and I'm starting to realize he's not coming back all that soon (contrary to what he says to ease my mind). But in all my pity-partyness this morning I did manage to get my butt up off the couch and took the dog for our second walk this week. They have only been one mile, 20 minute walks, but right now I just want to work into getting into a routine. This morning's really helped to relieve some stress. I put on some Lost Prophets and just blocked everything out for the full 20 minutes, well until we passed some dogs and I had to focus on dragging Kisa away... Anyway, enough rambling! Onto my first review: Yoplait Smoothies!

I had one of these after my walk both yesterday and today and in short, they are pretty dang good! All you have to do is add milk and throw it in the blender and instant breakfast! (or snack or whatever) I only bought the Triple Berry one, but it's good. I will say to follow the directions exactly though! Yesterday, I added ice because I like really thick smoothies. Well, the blender couldn't handle it so it took a good long while to blend and then tasted gritty due to the ice. Today, I decided not to tweak it and it turned out great! They come two servings to a pouch and I just made half yesterday and put the bag back in the freezer with a rubber band around it and did the other half today. What is even better about these smoothies is that I have a coupon for them! Go here:
http://coupons.allyou.com/couponweb/offers.aspx?pid=14803&nid=10&zid=rd17&cid=0&bid=CCR011Uzkcgfew586121525
Select Yoplait from the list in the sidebar to find it quicker. I was able to print 3 copies of the $1 off before it disappeared. They are currently $3 at Wal-Mart so with this coupon, that makes them a dollar per smoothie. Much less than going out to get one from somewhere. I will add a picture when I find my camera cord. It's somewhere around here.
Ok well off to get some homework done or take a nap, one of those.
Have a super, fantastic, great day!
Mandiy

Let's Try Again...

Well as all of my many many readers can see I have in fact not been on here in a month and a half. Alex has now been gone 5 weeks, and if I'm truly honest, I have not been following "the plan." So I'm starting over. Today is day one. I do feel like I have failed (again), but I'm going back into this head on with a positive attitude. I'm here now, right? So, I guess I will outline my plan for this time around.
1. I am going to keep up with this blog at least 4 times a week (with school, I think I may set myself up for failure if I expect too much more than that, but I will still try for most days).
2. I am doing a "body cleanse" this weekend. As in today and tomorrow. Not one of the fad things where all you drink is maple syrup mixed with lemonade (saw that on "Weeds"), but just a jump start of healthy foods. Hopefully I will be seeing at least a little bit of a difference within the first week so that I can stay motivated.
3. I am going to start walking/jogging with Kisa at least 3 days a week. Weather permitting because I'm not taking her out in scorching heat, and I'm not going out if there's a monsoon. Cold weather is acceptable.
4. I will do some sort of workout in the house, either Wii Active or a video segment at least 3 times a week. And more if I have to miss walking days.
5. I will substitute junk for healthy alternatives (bad sweets for fruit, bad salty cravings with veggies). And I will start cooking with my Hungry Girl cookbook again. (200 foods under 200 calories and some really great recipes in there if I stop being so lazy)
I am ready to have more energy and feel good about myself so I am at least going to be trying. I have lost 5 weeks already but I still have more time than I care to think about. So here goes!
Today is Day 1 and we went for our walk already and had a smoothie for breakfast. So far so good.
Have a super, fantastic, great day!
Mandiy
P.S. Ideas that I will be using and evaluating sometime soon (mostly a reminder for myself): Using the blender, Cooking, Crockpot (maybe), PodRunner podcasts.
P.P.S. And I have renamed this blog (well if I figure it out). If you want to know why, feel free to ask! :)