Untitled for now

I am the gentler sex with more wrath than you ever hope to know.
I have no idea what I want but know that I want it all.
I want you to rescue me but know that I could handle it myself.
I want the door opened for me as we head to the same job.
I want you to help me fix my car but tell me how to do it myself for the next time when you’re not around.
I want you to hold me when I cry but still see me as the strong persona I hide behind.
I want love but don’t want the risks,
To be valued without being objectified.
I want you to read my mind while I stay mysterious.
I want you to know my secrets from just a look and I want to know yours without needing to ask all the questions.
To be close to you but still have my space.
I want to be perfect in your mind but when I fall, for you to catch me set me upright again and still see me as perfect.
I want to be able to talk and talk and talk and to be able to sit in silence without being questioned.
I want you to want to know everything without interrogating.
I want to be heard without saying a word.

Could not ask for more.

Well, it's been about 3 weeks again... I wish I could say I won't make excuses, but I'm about to. I have been so caught up in moving forward that I didn't write about it. But tonight, I just need to get it out somewhere. I started a new poem that will probably never be seen after reading some truly amazing work by a friend. But here is my revelation for today: I feel like I have been given a gift, a second chance. As I stayed in my sweats today with a t-shirt stained by hair dye (it looks a little like blood I'll admit) and my hair all a mess, I realized it just didn't matter. I didn't want to fix a real dinner so I had Cheez-its. Not healthy, but it was just me and I didn't have to worry about it. I have people who love me so unbelievably much no matter what. I have found unconditional acceptance and love, which granted I had all along, but I just didn't see all the blessings I've been surrounded with. I still have my moments but I just feel light hearted I guess is the word? I found an apartment and will be moving into it next weekend so I'm busy packing. My house is in complete disarray. My mind is all over the place with school and work and sorting out the details of moving. But I just have peace. The quiet of my house is something I treasure and I cannot wait to move into my very own place all by myself. Of course, I'll have help and I must thank my awesome Grandmama for co-signing, but I am doing this for myself. I have people who are proud of me and who tell me daily that they love me. I think going home for Thanksgiving was a wake-up call. I was much more relaxed and at ease than I've been in so long. It just felt right. Life gets so complicated sometimes and I just forgot to take a second to breathe and see all the wonderful gifts I've been given. There is so much beauty and joy in my life and it's been here all along but I have been so caught up in negativity that I couldn't let myself take it in. What a big mess this all is and I'm sure no one will want to read it but all I really want to say is that I am blessed and I am finally realizing the magnitude of the opportunities and wonderful gifts I have been given.

I hope that everyone has a super, fantastic, great day.
Mandiy